Looking for nuggets in all the right places

Passage Lookup: Proverbs 30;

As I was reading Proverbs 30 this morning, which is a collection of words from Agur Ben Yakeh (I have no idea who Agur is, but that's a pretty cool name), I found it interesting to see this disparate set of advice. I imagine these words were bits of wisdom he collected throughout his life, about everything from God's unfailing word to lessons in nature, to not starting fights.

I was told by a mentor a long time ago that I should always ask people whom I respect what their "nuggets" of wisdom are? If they could pick their top three pieces of advice, what would they be? In her case, she shared some basic lessons about decision making (the 24 hour rule), to learning to discern between good, better and best opportunities. These were little things that have stuck with me.

Another mentor of mine, Joe Martin, sums this up well in his "OPE Principle". He says that experience is not the best teacher, but rather "Other People's Experience" is the best teacher. Learn from others life lessons.

1) What are some of your core principles? What are your "Nuggets"?
2) Who in your life can you ask about what their nuggets or pearls of wisdom are?

Listen to rebukes... or be DESTROYED? Yikes.

Proverbs 29:1 A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy."

Today's post correlates well to yesterday's post about giving rebukes. It helps when on the other end of the equation to receive them effectively. This is a great reminder on the importance of accepting critical feedback and honestly assessing how we can improve. As I mentioned in the post about confrontation... I'm not always too good at it, and a rebuke is a type of confrontation. It is hard not to take a rebuke personally, even if it is delivered effectively. My immediate reaction tends to be taking it personally and/or getting defensive, rather than assessing what I can gain from honestly listening.

1. How do you typically react when you receive a "rebuke"?
2. Next time you receive an admonishment or correction, assess your response. What's your immediate reaction? Defensiveness, anger, retaliation, or honest self evaluation? (or perhaps all of the above)
   
3. How do you handle rebukes that you feel are not warranted? How do you respond?

Choosing a wise rebuke over empty flattery

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 28;: "23 He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor
than he who has a flattering tongue."

This verse stuck out to me today, because I tend to "sugar-coat" things when I have a confrontation to make. For a lot of reasons that I'm sure will be discussed later in this blog, I am very conflict avoidant. I seek harmony and avoid confrontation. This trait can be a blessing and a curse. It helps me be relationship-focused and bring people together, but it also can be very limiting.

To emphasize this point, the following are all direct quotes I've had directed toward me:

"You could tell me my grandmother had just died and I'd leave the conversation with a smile on my face"

"You are always on such an even keel"

"If you don't allow yourself to experience negative emotion, you'll never truly experience the positive. If you raise the floor above the lows, you also lower the ceiling and never experience the highs. Being on an even keel isn't always a good thing"

So, given my propensity for avoiding confrontation, which I tend to identify as "negative interaction," what are the keys for effectively following this proverb and rebuking when appropriate?

1) Check your motivation at the beginning. What is your end-game? What is your reason for the "rebuke" or confrontation? Is it simply to satisfy your anger, or is it for the benefit of the person you are confronting? Is it to hurt because you've been hurt, or is there a bigger picture outcome. If your heart is not in the right place, it may be best to wait.

2) Choose the right time, place and method for a rebuke or confrontation. Avoid doing it in a way that could be misinterpreted. Choose to wait if you are highly emotionally charged and waiting is possible. Don't rebuke in public.

3) Be willing to accept temporary discord when a rebuke is necessary. Follow up with the person later to focus on the relationship.

4) If you followed step 1, you don't need to apologize.

What does it really mean to "Sharpen one another?"

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 27;:

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

This verse is often used as a foundation for mentoring relationships, accountability groups and bible studies. The men's group I started at my church is called "IronMan Life Group", with this verse as the core of our mission.

On its surface, this concept is simple enough - we 'sharpen' one another, spurring one another to grow, to dig deeper, to be challenged.

The reality is a bit more complicated. I officiated my first wedding this weekend, and one of the points I shared was to "keep God at the center" going back to God's word as the "number 1 source". Again, this idea seems simple enough; have a God-centered marriage... but what does it really mean? What does it mean to "grow together in God?" What does it mean to make Him the "foundation" for your relationships?

I have been asking myself this question over the last few days since the wedding. How am I, after 8 years of marriage, putting God at the center of our marriage? In my IronMan life group, am I really doing anything to "sharpen" the other guys in the group?

I want to be someone who really does help to 'sharpen' those around me - to encourage them - to help them to grow.

While these questions focus around others; my wife, my friends, and even my family, I think the answer is even more close to home. The answer is me.

It's been said, "you can't lead others until you first lead yourself." I desire to put God at the center of my marriage and to encourage others around me, but the answer is not to focus on them first, but rather on my own walk with God.

• Am I striving to grow?
• Am I seeking out others to challenge me?
• Am I critically looking at the areas I need to change in my life?
• Am I asking for honest feedback from those who will give it to me?

The answer to all of the above is a definitive... sort of. I'm working on it.

Dear Lord, please help me to grow in You. Please show me where I need to change? Please draw me closer to you. Please make me the best husband, father, brother, son, and friend I can be. Please help me to glorify you and to encourage others as I grow.

Have Zeal... AND Knowledge

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 19: "2 It is not good to have zeal without knowledge,
nor to be hasty and miss the way."

Shut up, wise guy! Proverbs 17:28

Proverbs 17: "28 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

This verse always makes me laugh when I read it. I laugh because I think of the many times I have opened my mouth when keeping it shut would have served me SO much better.

I see this applying in every facet of life, from the workplace to marriage. It does not mean to constantly hold things in and bottle things up. Rather, it means to think before we speak.

Ask yourself:
1) Why am I about to share this? (what is your motivation?)
2) What could happen if I do share this? (Positive or negative)
3) What could happen if I do not share this? (Positive or negative)

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 16

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 16: "Proverbs 16

There are two verses in this chapter that have always stuck with me, and that my dad and I have talked about a number of times:

3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

At first glance, they seem to be contradictory. Which one is it? Will God make our plans succeed if we commit them to him, or is he going to determine our steps regardless of how we plan our course?

The answer is... "YES."

This is a concept I know I'll never completely understand, but I believe God wans us to commit our plans to Him, and he WANTS us to succeed. At the same time, he is ultimately going to determine our steps and guide our paths. He wants to commune with us as we share with Him our plans, hopes and dreams, and he wants us to trust Him with those same plans, hopes and dreams, and know He will make clear our paths, and direct us in the best possible ways.

What do you think? How do you manage this balance?